he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
