do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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