i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
