her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
