I met the friendliest cop last night
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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