saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
