I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
