yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
