Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Are my feet made of real feet?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
