i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
