how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
