First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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