The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
