How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
