is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
