So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
