He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
