This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
