I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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