It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
