I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
