Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
