butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
