this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I accidentally burped into my bong.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
