She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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