Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dignity is for republicans.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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