She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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