so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
