Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
