I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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