You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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