you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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