Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Bring me that man meat
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
