We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
