Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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