just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
