...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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