I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
