His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
