Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
