Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
