508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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