I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
