The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
