I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
