WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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