man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
