Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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