But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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