I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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