i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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