BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
