I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
