Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
