i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Randomize
