whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize