so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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