Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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