What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
