I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
