I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
