I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
