A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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