Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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